CLAP TRAP RAP (©Words and Music by Paul F. Cowlan)

One horrified reviewer called this song ‘cringingly ridiculous’, which I take to be a measure of how successfully I’ve effected the parody. Incidentally, it’s extremely popular in schools.


Well, I don’t have a thing to say,
but I’m gonna talk about it anyway.
Give me just a minute to catch my breath
and I will bore you all to death.

It’s boring.

I can jive and I can rap,
and I can talk a load of crap;
but it don’t matter ‘cos folk don’t care,
you can hear me on the radio everywhere.

Boring, boring. It’s boring.
Boring, boring. Woah yeah!
Boring, boring. It’s boring.
Boring, boring. Yeah!


I can talk pretty fast and look pretty cool,
but I’m just a tedious, wittering fool.
When I go walking down the street
I bore everybody that I happen to meet.

Shop-assistants yawn and freeze,
customers sink to their knees.
Butchers, bakers, anyone you choose,
I will win and they will lose.

Policemen, out in search of crime,
fall asleep in double-quick time,
but as I’ve bored all the criminals too
there’s not very much for them to do.

If I come across a dog with his leg in the air
I bore him rigid and leave him there.
Cat and mouse, I can bore them both;
I can even bore a three-toed sloth.

I’m boring.

Yes, I’m so boring it’s not true!
Look out, the next in line is you!
Listen to the way that I sing this song
and you’ll feel that boredom coming on strong.

I said lord, lord, lordy lord!
Everybody is feeling bored.
Skoobie doobie doobie. Flim flam fizz!
The stupider the word the better it is.

Now I don’t always sing alone.
Sometimes there’s a female clone,
talking just the same as me,
in a higher voice and a different key.

“Donchya call me ‘Bundle of Joy’.
Yo’ bin shootin’ yo’ mouth off boy!
I’m gettin’ mad! Mmhmm, and how!
I’m gonna fix you good, right now!”

Well, let me just say, before I go,
if you can’t sleep, let me know.
You won’t toss and you won’t snore.
Leave it all to ‘Super-Bore!’

Boring, boring. It’s boring.
Boring, boring. Woah yeah!
Boring, boring. It’s boring.

Boring, boring. Yeah!