(Or ‘The Sherwood Forest Fitness Freak-out’)
(©Words by Paul F. Cowlan. Tune, Traditional)

Okay, okay. So I stole the music from the ‘Raggle Taggle Gypsies-o’, but if Dylan can pinch the tune of ‘Lord Franklin’ for his ‘Bob Dylan’s Dream’, I don’t see why I shouldn’t be allowed to pilfer my own native tradition. This, of course, is authentic folk history as it should have been.

Robin Hood was an outlaw bold.
He collected silver and jewels and gold;
and he robbed from the rich to give to the poor;
so the poor became the rich and then the rich became the poor.

When Robin saw this unusual sight
he said, “Hey, hang on a minute, this just can’t be right!”
And he called up his band of very, merry men,
and went and took the gold and silver back again.

Then the rich were happy and the poor were sad,
saying, “What’s the point of doing that? He must be mad!”
But they needn’t have worried, ‘cos it didn’t take long
for Robin Hood to realize what he’d done wrong.

He went back to the castle and he knocked on the door,
saying, “Now that you are rich, of course you are no longer poor!”
And he gave back the money to the simple working men;
so the poor became the rich and then the rich were poor again.

Well this went on for a year or two,
and nobody could think what in the world to do;
neither Friar Tuck, nor little John.
No, nor even Much who was the miller’s son.

Then Maid Marion had a bright idea,
saying, “Leave it all to me. I’ll fix it, never have a fear.”
And she sat right down with her head in a book
and Robin, being nosey, had to come and have a look.

Saying, “What’s that there that you’re reading dear?
It doesn’t look a very proper book I fear.
There’s a man in black and a woman in green.
The things that they are doing look a bit obscene!”

“She’s standing on her head with her knees in a knot,
and it’s difficult to tell how many hands he’s got;
and he’s wearing a leotard as black as your hat.
Do you really think you ought to have a book like that?”
But she said, “Oh, Robin you’re an awful twit!
It’s just a rather special way of keeping fit.
Can’t you see what it says on the very first page?
‘Yoga for Outlaws is the latest rage.’”

“So put your legs behind your neck, and your fingers up your nose.
You don’t even have to bother wearing all those funny clothes.
Make your eyes go crossed, stick your tongue right out;
and you will soon discover what it’s all about.”

Well, soon Robin Hood was a real health-freak,
with disco, hula-hoop and jogging seven days a week.
He put a notice in the church, and the castle and the pub,
advertizing ‘Sherwood Forest Fitness Club’.

But the Sheriff of Nottingham and all his men
were sad to hear that Robin didn’t want to fight again,
so they went into the forest, just to see if it was true,
and Marion persuaded them to try some yoga too.

So the Sheriff and his soldiers joined the outlaws there,
rolling on the ground with their legs up in the air;
and the rich and the poor got together and said,
“Forget about the money. Let’s do this instead!”

So peace reigned under the greenwood tree,
with individual counselling and personal therapy;
and the Sheriff extended his castle hall

for a sauna-bath, trampoline and whole-food stall.